My first arrival in England, and indeed my first long-term living experience outside of Turkey, was in 2006 when I came to Bournemouth for my postgraduate studies. Despite arriving at the relatively mature age of 26, I remember feeling scared and lonely the first night as I settled into a house I didn’t know. I recall that first night being somewhat difficult. These feelings persisted for the next few weeks until my landlord gave me an amazing suggestion: to watch all the seasons of the TV show “Friends” on DVD (yes, back then there was no digital streaming, only DVDs😊).
His recommendation, meant to help with my language development, turned into an activity that helped me forget my loneliness. Over the years, I kept turning to “Friends” as a form of therapy whenever I felt down. Of course, I soon made friends in England and didn’t spend all my time watching “Friends,” but I can say that during those initial depressive times, it was like medicine to me.
When I moved to England for the second time, this time permanently, I was no longer alone; I had my family and was coming to establish my home here. I still watch “Friends” when I feel down and try to escape from reality, but now, with the responsibilities of solving problems and acting on behalf of my family, it’s not possible to disappear into a show for hours.
In the last six years of living in England, I have heard the same sentences over and over from the friends we have around us and from all the immigrant friends we work with and consult: “I can’t adapt, I can’t make friends, I can’t overcome the language barrier, I can’t integrate into the culture at work and share common topics.” These are the words of people who want to live outside their home country but struggle to figure out how to make it work.
Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all formula or written prescription for everyone. What worked for me when I first arrived was watching a virtual group of friends for hours. For someone else, the solution might be books, courses, or social clubs at work. If the focus is on what to do now with the person we want to support, we ask just one simple question: “Can you write a list of the things you love doing the most, no matter which country you live in?” Then, we focus on why they think they can’t do these things in their new country. Usually, even if it’s just a small step, we start by taking that step and begin our journey by creating a happiness map.
Where does your happiness map start?
